Transforming from VICTIM To VICTOR anywhere, anytime! | Marc Steinberg

Ladder of Power

Everything initiates with an idea, thought or a feeling on which we wish/will/desire to take an action/decision. From that point come the responsibility or the ownership of that decision and that is the distinction point that can either make you a Victor or a Victim.

The true meaning of responsibility is ‘response-able’ or the ability to respond. Whatever we may think, say, do, or feel – these are our responses for which we, and no one else, are responsible. This is easy to see but hard to live, for we have been taught to believe and think the opposite. So we don’t consciously choose our response, we react instead, and then we blame others for our reaction. Consequentially we often feel imprisoned by others and/or our circumstances. True leaders on the other hand have broken the spell; they see the illusion. They take full responsibility for their response abilities and as a consequence, they always hold their own destiny in their own hands.

When we do not respond(VICTIM):

That is where we move to the reaction or Victim part. The first thing is expectation assumption, the moment we are going into action or do not act and have an expectations that others are doing what we assume that they should do, we are already in big trouble. When you don’t act on assumptions then it becomes a complaint which takes over and become our frustration/aggression if we don’t act. In frustration we go in resistance to people to our goals and everything else we believe is the reason for our complaints. It’s a constant state of pain, and then we feel that we are entitled to get even with the causes for our pain, then the we are going to withhold our engagement like doing only what is absolutely required, building cold wars, etc. You start finding people to blame and we start getting sick. This all is reaction and it comes without we becoming aware of it. If you identify yourself in such state you must realize the factors causing this reaction and find solution to it to place yourself out of this resignation situation (which is a sad point in our life and it is not what we are, we are creative human beings). Resignation is the red flag that we have disconnected from what we are and we must try to fight back to our real-selves rather just start giving up on everything.

When you enter into this expectation assumption you will automatically spiral down to resignation you don’t have to do anything for that. It is an inevitable thing.

Is Shifting Possible?

Yes it is possible to shift from any of the red levels to any of the blue levels anytime you want to be. It is non-sequential.


Expressing a wish is in the first upper run. When you are in expectation assumption, you indentify that before it takes you into a complaint mode, you decide to go and take a creator action, you express your wish; what you want others to do. It is to inform in a very gentle way to the world that I do have a wish and maybe like ‘I want you to finish this task by this time’ would do. That’s taking action. This leaves the possibility that that the recipient is reacting on it or not. When you receive a request, it want a response form you, if you request from the environment then you inquest on them the responsibility to act on that wish. The request is polite and that meant I really want something done from you, when you don’t get this request answered you have to be a little strict and make a demand. Demand sometime may be very important and risky as well. Others can say yes or no, if it’s a no and you don’t get your demand fulfilled then its high time to go for a command and a point where you decide whether you want to belong to this environment anymore or not.

Usually a request is positively responded to, but still the person is not doing what he/she agreed to do, then you need to hold them accountable for the promise they made.

Whenever you are in victim mode you are stuck. You are passively waiting and invite the Murphy law to work (if something bad can happen it will). You can clarify any assumption any time by just simply asking the question.

Exercising the Ladder of Power®

  1. . Identify 1 expectation/assumption in each area 2. Identify 1 complaint in each area 3. Identify 1 aggression / frustration in each area 4. Identify 1 resignation (what mattered to you but you gave up on) in each area 5. Go through each issue and select an action from the ladder of power (upper part) 6. Go through each issue and the conversion action and select whether you choose to commit. If so, fill in by when you commit to have done the action. 7. Congratulate yourself – you have just regained a huge part of your potential power!

Within your power which is given to you by live is to live and act as the creator as a victor!


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